With thanksgiving getting closer I was getting excited for the holiday season because I love this time of year, but once I started to take the decorations out for Christmas and we had turkey day dinner and I put all the Christmas décor out that day with my schedule being crazy at work (not getting off till sunset/or dark outside) and I wanted a good month of lights- besides snow (which I don't get) they are a favorite part of the holiday season. The excitement wore off, and ever sense I'm back in this glum of a static existence of sorts.
I've been thinking about my weight a lot these days, mostly because its become a hindrance more each day I've noticed. I feel more sluggish and the stairs seem to be harder to climb and not the mention that when it comes to field trips or just in general trying to talk to someone after I climb the stairs forget about it. I feel the physical issues every day and try to ignore them most of the time I get by with that, but every time I look in the mirror or go through photos of a party with friends I was at I get that reminder of what I've let myself become. I don't like it I'm not comfortable this way physically and emotionally.
I feel like you know you've had enough of something when you just stare at the ceiling at night and wonder when will be the time when you just say screw it and change it instead of thinking instead of planning you just do it. Though I also have days were I do that and because I'm so tired and so exhausted from carrying this weight around (both physically and emotionally) that the act of going to work out of doing something of that nature just sounds so daunting and like the last thing I'd want to do, even though I know it will make me feel so much better. I "KNOW" this from past experience but I still sit waiting for the last hair on the camel's back so to speak, to give me that determination again that motivation to change.
Lately I've even just felt like simply laying one way is an issue because putting to much of my weight on say a leg or on a joint the leg or arm or foot goes numb much quicker then your foot falling asleep after it being in the same position for too long. Some nights I do constantly shift while on the couch watching TV because a body part gets numb or feelings tingling and I know this isn't a good thing, I don't dare look up what it could possible mean with that. I just know it needs to change.
Honestly I think all the colds I got this year (as I've said before) were more due to the extra weight weakening my immune system and me not eating right and taking care of myself and then you add the germs from the kids or just in the air because of the weather changes or what have you and you get sick.
I've gone back and forth on just eating a gluten free diet or at least playing with the idea of trying to change my diet to take out the gluten foods for a couple weeks to month and see if that changes anything but also just in general change my eating habits and eat better whole foods.
I'm tired of just getting by in life of wishing and waiting for something to happen, and while I want this I'm also scared at what it might mean in the end when I do get down to my goal weight but I cant let fear change my want or my need to get healthy and to in the best defense against germs and other things that I know I'm already at risk for with family history.
Emotionally I'm for sure damn ready. Physically, I'm ready (soreness be damn!)... now if I can just get out of my own darn head and become mentally ready as well. Here's hoping!
Great post (as always) I love getting into your head :) I especially related to this post. I was in the same EXACT place you are now just four weeks ago. I still have a long way to go and by no means do I feel I am completely over all of the obstacles but I have made crazy progress. Not even with the scale but mentally. Which I think is the #1 thing that has to change. For months I was indulging in horrible eating habits late at night and telling myself that one day I was going to change it. But in the back of the mind I was telling myself that there was just no way I would ever change and in a way, I was accepting that I was just going to be this way forever and not care. One day, I just made a decision to jump into action. I realized that there wasn't going to be a perfect aha moment that led me to change it was a decision I just had to make and DO, as simple as that.I started on a random Tuesday in the beginning of November, because there really was not going to be any perfect time to start. 4 weeks later. I'm shocked with where I am mentally. It feels like just yesterday I was this completely different person in a completely different mental state. Now, with just 4 very fast weeks this eating has become habit. It's even somewhat easy because my body has adjusted to it. It takes 3 weeks to form a habit. (21 days) If you can commit to yourself to even just change your eating habits for 3 weeks (maybe not even start excersice just yet) I promise you, you're going to feel so much more motivation and desire to finish the journey out. My working out habits aren't great right now, that's something I am slowly introducing myself to. Honestly, the whole journey is about baby steps. You don't need to jump in all at once. The first week I started making changes I still ate fast food twice that week but I didn't think of it as failure and the next morning I would wake up and start over again. Got right back to it. For me, I needed a change. I couldn't do the whole counting calories anymore because it just screwed with my brain and I almost always failed while doing it. I couldn't just eating healthy and not do anything because I needed some sort of system to guide me. I had a friend who joined weight watchers. She has lost 86 pounds and she started in March. I asked her for more info. She tole me she works out only four times a week for 40 minutes and watches her diet using the point system. Weight Watchers always sounded like another scam to me, no program really works etc etc. When she started telling me about the new system they have it peaked my interest. Weight Watchers has different programs now. You don;t have to go to meetings every week and see people anymore. They have awesome apps you can put right on your phone to track your points, scan foods right into the point system for you. It's easy!
ReplyDeleteThe point system for some reason gives me the discipline I need without feeling like I'm on a diet. I still have my treats, I just include them into my points for the day. If I go over my points for the day thats ok too because I have a weekly allowance along with my diet and I love that because if I really want something it TRULY is not off limits. By week 4 I find myself wanting to use my points more wisely and overall just eating healthier. Weight watchers is not a get skinny fast diet program. It's a program that teaches you a way of life. I know 5 people on it who are all doing very well. I have discovered that the points you are given are in line with the amount of calories you should be eating a day, so yes, techinically I could ditch weight watchers and go back to counting calories for free and I may just do that eventually but for right now, this is the program I have NEEDED for me to overcome the obstacles I have been fighting. I only pay 18.99 a month. Which is completely worth it to me right now. When I initially signed up I had to pay a 60 dollar one time start up fee, but weight watchers is always waiving those fees through different deals throughout the year. Does signing up for a program make everything better and instantly motivate you? No. I signed up in May and it wasn't until the beginning of November that I finally decided to just take the plunge and do it for real. That being said, there really will be no inspirational time to do it. You just have to say I want this and I'm going to do it! And you will ROCK it! I hope with telling you all of that you don't think I'm annoying or that I'm acting like I'm a weight loss expert because I AM NOT, (obviously) I still have hurdles to jump and mountains to climb while on the journey but for me the hardest part was getting over that mental mountain first. The part that told me it was too hard etc and I would never be able to do it. Guess what, I KILLED that mountain. It's gone. Now, It's just about patience as I work to lose all of the weight and commitment as I realize, eating this way is a lifetime commitment. Girl, you got this! You've done it once before! You can totally do it again. I'm cheering you on!
ReplyDeleteThanks for all the feed back and support. And The point system has always been semi interesting to me but I'm not gonna pay a program just for information that I know already etc.. not to say anything towards you I just I feel that since I've already done and lost 60 some odd lbs that I know what to do its just about as you said getting up one day and doing it because there is no Aha moment of lets do this. lol. Again though thank you for the encouragement and advice and information. :) I'm glad I can come in here and talk to you about all this in my posts its nice to have someone going through some of the same things.
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