Twenty-Fourteen

Happy 2014 to everyone who reads this, its been officially two days (almost into the 3rd) of this year and I'm kinda on the fence about this year already. The first was alright, I got to sleep in being off from work and I made it to the gym and got a work out in. Nothing to fancy but it was a step in the right direction being that one of my resolutions or goals so to speak for this year is to lost 80lbs.

Well today was kinda  nose dive of a day, it started off alright minus having to get up and be at work at 8:45 this morning, I'll never be happy waking up before 8:30-9am at the earliest.  Though my work day was good minus being sore from the gym (a  good sore) my body towards the end of the day decided to crap out on me. My stomach was upset and my dysfunctional menstrual cycle decide to show up for oh maybe two hours before going back to its guessing game of am I here or not here with being Aunt Flow time of the month. (This is nothing new with being as heavy as I am my cycle is so messed up and I know I'm not doing it any favors by staying at this weight) But in the process I had serious cramping at work and then I just felt nauseous the rest of the time and it just got worse on my way home and while I walked Stanley, to the point that while I waited on the hold *40mins* for costumer service from the covered ca to answer a question (I forgot my username/password) I was sleepy and had a headache and wasn't sure if I was gonna need to puke or what.

So long story short I took some Excedrin when my headache, just would not go away after I ate something after finally getting done with the phone call. Then we did a grocery run and got a good amount of healthy items and while I did snag my Conversation hearts (two little boxes) since they were already out (EARLY!) and I only get them once a year, always limiting myself to just two small boxes. I also told myself it wasn't a big deal to get a box of little Debbie Nutty Buddy bars instead of just the two pack since the grocery store we went to doesn't have it in a two pack. (Not that I really needed them they just sounded good)

I also had a Starbucks Pumpkin Latte (Venti- aka biggest one w/ Whip Cream)... lets just say my calorie limits that I had set up were busted by a long shot today and the little activity I did do didn't really burn much to help that. So I feel like while I'm 1-for-1 at this point I also feel like the biggest failure today and I just want to eat the rest of the box of nutty buddies so they are out of the house.

Instead I ate both boxes of conversation hearts, I had already had two packs of 2 nutty buddies after dinner with my Starbucks and as much as I still did want to kill all the rest of them (8 bars) I got water instead and came here to vent and make a post.  I serious should just go to bed, I don't know why I let food have this power on me that it shouldn't, it should be fuel and energy not some authority about myself worth.

Its now past midnight, and I need to wash my hands of this day and move on to the next. One day out of a week or a month wont do much in the long run and I just need to dust myself off from today and try again ( harder with better choices) tomorrow.

I plan to write out my weight loss plan and what I'm doing in my next post.

Till then here's about living in the moment...

Hope your new year has started of without a hitch.