What If I Had Done Things Differently?

Life in general has many different forks in the road, each day we make a decision on the the so called "prong" we choose to go out on that leads us along in life. The good, the bad, the even ugly parts of life come along through all this. In this though, in moment you see yourself and your still you, no matter what happens. Perhaps a little altered or jaded by the situation or experience, but still you in a nut shell that never changes.

So maybe in that we are meant to be where were at in life, even if its not all rainbows and butterflies. Most times in life the only way to get what you want is to go after it like a bull going after that red cape in the ring. Yes we will fall, and yes we will have set backs but the only way failure becomes the answer is when you stop trying or stop looking for answers to help when the ones you've tired don't work.

                            

In reference to last post, my letting myself indulge to kill the want didn't work out so well. As I imagined the wants for other things came and so did my lack of portion control. I've made myself in the process sick over the stuff I've eaten. In that same instance though I learnt, my tolerance for these things no longer is the same. I taste things different I feel the reaction to their makeup (chemicals) in my body differently. So, I did learn something and it did help and it did set me back, but I have not fail because of it.  I've learnt soda isn't all its cracked up to be, and neither or my urges or taste for rockstars energy drinks anymore.

Cake is too sweet, and milk chocolate is almost off putting in taste compared to dark chocolate anymore. I start to crave vegetables and fruits when I eat too much junk, I really feel and realize its not my mood that I'm miserable after I eat that junk/crap its my body saying: "WHAT THE CRAP DID YOU GIVE ME!" 

I'm also in the process of probably giving up coffee for tea (expect for those Holiday drinks at Starbucks, can you say: pumpkin spice, gingerbread and peppermint mocha latte HELLO!) and I don't know how this will go, but I've always loved coffee with a cookie(or two) after dinner than in the morning, because I've never felt any real effect of it. Though maybe like soda once its out of my system for awhile with all the other sugary stuff I'll feel the difference upon drinking it again one day. But for now I'll probably have it once or twice more till my current creamer is gone, but than off to tea land it is. With our new bought kettle that whistles and everything.

I'm learning a lot of stuff through my weight loss and in my life and stuff in general lately. I feel like I'm on the edge of something amazing, but I don't want to push it out there too fast or even try to guess at what is. I want to work at what I know needs to be done to help me along in life and just go from there right now. I'm not sure at all how it will all turn out or where I'll be in a month or so from now, but hey life is full of surprises. And man do I want a good one.

Gotta Be More to Life...



Looking in the cabinets for something’s that’s not really there? That seems to be my thing lately, and not just in the shelves at home. But also in grocery store as well. It seems more than not lately I have it in mind that I want something and I go searching for it food wise but lately can’t seem to find anything that fits the bill. That craving that I think is food turns out to be something that can’t be filled with, because I can’t seem to find an answer to name the craving. Even when I do eat something that sounds good, the craving doesn’t go away.

Also, in that event my issues with food don’t go away when I indulge in something that in the end result I didn’t even need. Through this I’m starting realize that not only do I need to learn better eating but also how to differentiate between my true want/need for  food and my want for something in my life.

The food part can be the easiest of that problem because it’s real easy not to get into it, or buy it. Though the hard part is knowing what I truly want instead of it, or what it is that is picking at me with this need to be answer that I have no clue how to even address let alone try to figure out what to do about it.

Plus letting go and over indulging is real easy and most times for the moment or so can take your mind off the issue. Not that it won’t come back, and not that you won’t see issues or consequences I guess for the indulge you let yourself have depending on what it is, and how much. I’m looking for meaning in something, maybe in life to fill a hole, that well I have no clue what to call it let alone what to fill it with, and now I’m talking in circles.

Also when it comes down this, old things I use to eat and drink all the time which I know aren’t good for me start to sound good, and in my head I rationalize that hey if I go have it the need will be met. Though I’m seeing lately that once that need is met my mind finds something else to name for it, and I guess maybe I should let myself follow that path in some small way to get somewhere maybe even find something within it all. Though part of me thinks that’s stupid and it would be a waste and also that it would somehow back fire on all my progress.

Though I also realize that if I keep that thought in mind when I let myself have these said things, that maybe I’ll reach a point when I run out of things and somehow dive into deeper issues and finally figure out what I need to do or want to do to fill this ache inside myself lately.  Good thing is with this in mind I know I can decide on set things and how much of each to determine it all, and how and when. Not quite so set on the idea of it all just yet though.

I’m scared I admit to do the one thing that seems to be a big part of why I gained all the weigh in the first place. Using  food in replace of finding  or even facing, the deeper issue at hand, but I guess if I used in a controlled way and not no holds bar way that I did in the past maybe it would be helpful?

I just don’t know if I’m at that point to justify that even if maybe it would help. Part of me is antsy, and wants more out of life than I get day to day.  This isn’t one of those hiding moments of the past, it’s the need/ urge for more in my life that I’m not sure I understand quite yet how to go about.