My last real post that didn't include a bunch of pictures with tidbits of info was back in April or early May right before my birthday. A lot and also nothing has happened in the last couple months, and I've gone through a lot in my head for what to write or say or do in my life, but as of late this is what is going on. In my life and inside my head, well most of it.
Work is a touché subject at the moment but just to make it short and sweet to get out of the way so I can let it be and whatever I'll say what's going on. Due to being caught with gum one too many times and then getting a formal complaint from a guest I am now on probation for the next three months (90days) and my current role that I was promoted to just a little over a year ago (weird to say that it's been that long) I might lose and be demoted with pay lost as well if I don't shape up and improve. Though I can say that its the best outcome I could have hoped for after I found out about the complaint on Friday and didn't hear anything beside possible termination if its a pattern in my record of having a behavioral issue(s). I freaked most of the weekend that I'd lose my job... made me panic and etc. But moving on getting better and being the best employee I can be and try to get back to where I was working on getting higher up before all this happened soon enough it will happen.
All that above makes me think about how long I wanna be doing what I'm doing or any part of what I can do there and while I can see myself there for awhile I don't necessarily see myself there forever. But where else, I have no idea and I don't wanna worry about that till I'm back in my safely bubble off of probation so to speak.
Life around beyond work is really been nothing much but lack a dazzical if that is even a word or phrase. I've tended to just be lazy bum when I'm not working and watch movies or sleep most days if I'm off. A pattern I remember getting me in trouble a few years ago when I'd get antsy because I wasn't doing anything else and my frustrations would come out at work. While I know better this time I can still feel some issues coming up in the back of my mind when my day just doesn't go as planned at work.
I need to find a hobby, I know that sounds silly almost but I need to be more then my work I need a life that isn't just hanging out even if I am going out with friends I need to be using my brain to do more then just stare at a screen telling me a story every day or pinning things on Pinterest. Hoping for a better life one day or something more out of it in the future. I guess you can say I'm stuck but I did it to myself. One of my biggest fears is watching life pass me by or missing out on something because I was too busy to catch it when it came by. So much so that I put myself in this mode of don't do anything in fear of missing out so instead I don't do anything and in turn miss out on well, everything.
Apart me knows my weight is a main culprit that when I was lighter I was happier not just physically but emotionally and mentally I was just more there not buried in weight that I added to myself to have something to do in a moment of boredom or moment of that sounds good. I need to eat better I need to make better choices all around, at my weight now I am so not wanting to go to the gym. But I have a Wii I have dvds (I bought for when I didn't have time for the gym prior to work ironically) and I have my local weight room at my complex. I even have a swimming pool and with it being summer it probably wont be too cold to use.
I need to stop making excuses not to do anything or rather just not doing anything with no excuse but just doing it. I need to switch that up to just doing things. Slowly and little by little at first of course but I need to get back to life. I had some big idea about posting about body image and etc. but I don't think I'm quiet there yet to formulate all my ideas and etc. into a post that would make sense to myself more than anyone reading it.
I wanna write in here more to decompress and vent more then I do. I need to start drawing/painting more, I do it time to time and it helps me sleep, and helps me feel happier the next day.
I need to start happening to life instead of letting life happen to me.
Your work wants to discipline and possibly terminate you for chewing gum!? I'm sorry but screw that! That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard and it makes me mad for you! I'd say see you later but that's because I am overly sensitive and would have been extremely hurt and furious. I think it's great you have been with them for so long and they should appreciate you a lot more than they do (obviously) because of it. It's just so frustrating to me that they can get away with punishing you like that for doing something as little as chewing gum. Even if it's against the rules...WHO CARES!? ugh. Anyway, I'm sorry lol I'm jut annoyed for you.
ReplyDeleteI think we are a lot alike in so many ways. There is so much more I want to be doing and accomplishing but I can't seem to make myself do it. Personally, I always choose the easy way out or the easier choice. Like not working out or not eating healthy. Not organizing my house and doing the things I should be doing but sitting and watching tv or playing with Abby for a few hours instead (I guess that part is important though) I just 100% get where you are coming from. I am mostly happy with my life but their are many things that I am perfectly capable of changing and that I want to accomplish that I haven't even tried to fix. I sure do THINK about it a lot though. But really..what does that do?
It sounds like you are going through a rough patch in life right now with work and things. Just know that you are AWESOME, and can truly do anything you want to in life. I don't just say that about everyone either...I mean it when I say it to you. I think you are just an amazing human being with so many incredible talents and you are going to do wonderful things in life. Even if right now you feel kind of stuck or are having a rough time.
Get out there and get the things you want girl! you can do it! (Hugs!)
Thanks girlie and the combo of the rude comment I guess I had or tone I has with a guest plus the gum chewing is what got me on probation not just the gum alone.
DeleteAnd Hun just as I can do anything so can you even with Abby. Show her how wonderful and grand the world is and let her know her life is hers to decided what to make of it. Yes she still your but lead by example..: love ya girl and thank you so much for always encouraging me to be the best me... I hope I can help just the same. We are awesome never forget that!
I am still so put off by your work's absurd standards that it makes me furious. Yeah, I understand getting a written warning for (possibly) having an attitude with a guest-- that isn't professional, so to speak. But their standards (never chewing gum, the fingernails thing, the lack of any visible tattoos) make them sound like they're stuck in the fucking 1950's. I'm shocked they don't have different bathrooms for fucking minorities, DO THEY REALIZE THIS IS 2013? Nobody GIVES a shit about tattoos and fingernails and fucking gum. Jesus Christ. I'm sorry, this just makes me so mad for you but I am glad you do still have a job.
ReplyDeleteSaying you need a hobby doesn't sound silly at ALL! Especially because you have time. I say get to being more active (I'm still an advocate of taking more walks with Stanley baby-- good bonding time, good to keep you moving, and less time of sitting on your bum!), and once you start feeling better about things (and yourself) then you can ease into finding a hobby that can maybe introduce you to people who are going through similar things as you are. You're just so much fun and I don't think you should limit yourself because I firmly believe you can do anything you put your mind to. Seriously, you're amazing!
I'm just so sorry you're going through this rough patch right now. Even though they're a part of life, it still really makes me sad when my friends have to deal with shit. I wish I could help you with all of this, but just keep being the best YOU that you can be. You're fantastic, girl. I love you so much. I am always here if you need to vent, or if you need a lame joke, or if you just want to talk.
What was the sea monster's favourite snack?
SHIPS AND DIP.
;)
While I do get the gum thing in the part you don't want people to be obnoxiously chewing and popping gum in your face I sort of done get that even when I'm sick or my voice is going I cant have a cough drop in my mouth if I need it. But I'm done complaining about that. Nails I'm eh about because my nails chip so easily that I could care less for the most part. And tattoos I'm on the fence about I get looking a part and being "professional" in a sense but I feel when it comes to tattoos as long as they are vulgar what's the big deal.
DeleteThank you for your comments and kind words, yeah I need to get off my bum some how that is in retrospect easier said then done but technically I don't believe in that statement because if you do it its done and your don't have time to talk about it... me again speaking advice but not taking it again ;)
I love your joke and I hope your feeling better and your body is healing a lot since your surgery..
love you girlie! Thanks again!