It's been forever and a day since I wrote anything in here and its due to sheer laziness. Lately though it seems whenever I even attempt to write something, my thoughts of what to say and how to say it all come at me like a herd of galloping stampeding horses to the front of my mind and finger tips and my thoughts get all jumbled and I get lost in what I even wanna write about. Than I say forget it because suddenly something else sounds better, most of the time sleep since I like writing in late afternoon to late at night/ early in the morning really type of deal. And this might not be the greatest of posts because now that my face mask has been washed away; what kept me up thinking while it dried and made me want to write is now done I'm seriously starting to doze.
Lets just state what is happening and leave any motivational inspiration stuff to another more awake me to post.
Tomorrow will mark one year of employment at my current job, whoot whoot! I'm happy for that and glad I finally feel like I have something going of me.
Um, I did go ahead and purchase my KIA soul after test driving it back just before September, love it! Not the payments mind you but the factor that it's my baby and I'm paying for it (minus insurance lol) I'm excited for that.
I think that's the only good news right now...so
I'm pretty much back at my heaviest weight of all, prior to weight loss plus probably 10-15 extra pounds. I seriously am so done being over weight. Feeling fat and just disgusting and tired because, it doesn't make you wanna go work out even if you know its a simple change of clothes and drive to the gym, or heck walk over to my complex gym too. Cardio room with a few treadmills and etc and a weight room of four/five machines. Plus heck I have Wii fit and Wii zumba... yea know the more I write this I realize how lazy I "REALLY" am.
Plus most of my clothes don't fit anymore, like at all. Pretty much mostly pants since for the most part I tend to buy my shirts on the bigger sizes just because I do have a bigger chest/thicker arms and not so short of a torso, plus so we don't have shrinkage issue that sometimes drying and washing do cause. Though I didn't blame the washer and drying for the my clothes becoming too small this time like the last. I knew and went back and forth about changing and than in the end just let the number go up and watch it do so when I weighed myself in.
I hate being out of breath doing the simplest I hate how bad my skin is lately I don't like feeling like a bag of lumpy potatoes, and I swear since my boobs grew with the weight they seem to blend in or start to with my stomach, which has gained but not as much as my thighs/hips and butt.
I keep telling myself OK today, or OK this week or OK for sure doing this on Friday or whatever. Hasn't happened.
Weirdly out of everything in my life I have really only two good news things to post and one major bad one, everything else is kinda on the neutral side of things.
Well, it's short and I'll for sure promise a better post next time but I need to at least vent where I'm at right now to get some of the raging horses out of my mind to clearly think better, if nothing else.
First, CONGRATS on one year! It's funny to think back when you didn't have a job and how you wanted one so bad and then look at you now! one year at a place you have really enjoyed for the most part! Goes to show you can accomplish anything you put your mind to. You really are in control. Second, LOVE your cute new car! Not sure if I ever told you that. Third, I can't even express to you just how much I feel your pain weight wise. I have been struggling with this every day. Remember how I lost 20 pounds after I had Abby. I've gained it all back and then some. I feel HORRIBLE about myself. Its just so strange because I had all of the motivation in the world to lose that weight with the head start I was on and just like that..a little bit at a time I started allowing myself to go back to my old habits. Often times I would find myself using the excuse of "oh I lost 20 pounds! Its ok for me to splurfe a little. I can afford it. And now look at me :( It's awful.I know it's not healthy and I am obsessed about it. I think about it ALL day long! yet, I still can't bring myself to just fix it and get to where I want to be. Im right there with you! Maybe we can somehow help to motivate each other. There is this app called my fitness that you can track calories with and its the easiest thing in the world to use because you can scan the bar code on what you're eating and it logs them in. You can also track your exercise. We can be friends on there and check in on each other. Just an idea. If you aren't ready just yet thats ok too. Im not sure that I am but who knows when I WILL feel ready. I just need to jump in and do it! We can do this..it's totally a mental thing. Not easy at all but doable. Always remember you are BEAUTIFUL the way you are too! Its hard to feel that way sometimes. But sometimes you just gotta learn to love yourself in the moment. Not only are you beautiful on the outside but you have one of the kindest hearts I know! And you are gorgeous on the inside as well! Love ya girl1 Thanks for the post and the reminder that I need to do better too!
ReplyDeleteTHank you for always commenting on here it encourages me to write so much more. I know I should write just to write but knowing someone does enjoy it makes it that much more fun to do so.
ReplyDeleteI dont have app access on my blackberry, well I do but since my mom pays for that wouldnt be a good thing to download anything like that plus I've noticed a lot of apps (cough instagram) only work with apple products. At least the main stream ones- lame! :) But yes i dont see any issue with keeping eachother motvatied always a good thing.
oh what I was talking about on facebook is how we all have body issues and what we go through or at least me with feeling to big one day to feeling fine the next to feeling like I'd be ok on the curvy side but than thinking no way i dont want that. Just voicing all my body issues to really clear the air and put them out there, esp the whole my body does so much for me as it is part. I'll probably work on that here and there idk when I'll post it it might be a side part in my next post, which for sure I hope I dont take as long to update, I'll try not to any way. :)
love ya girl thanks again for always comment/reading!