Though with all of this I have let the gym go by the way side, I haven't been since the 28th of October. I could have gone the first two weeks of November but I didnt because I got busy with baby sitting and working things out for this job thing and actually trying to turn in appplications to find a job and I wanted time to myself when I wasn't doing those things (or perhaps anything). But I kept forgetting how much a stress reliever a work out is, not to say I was stressed, but it helps me relax and refocus; and my body I know misses it. (Going today after I write this!)
Heck, I miss it. I dont know what it is about it but when you get endorpins from working out its "so" much better than eating that cupcake you feel you need to eat or that drink of beer or wine whatever you vice may be. Though gratefully I have not let my calorie counting or my journal with it go to way side so I have kept in check with it in. Maybe not with good food choices or what have you in what/how much I eat but I have kept an eye on it. Which may be my saving grace in it all, plus being up on my feet most days of the week. Oh, and the stairs I have to take a couple times a day during each shift between floors to and from breaks.
I admit I love this job, and I finally see myself letting go of my negtive aspect of dreading working and everything the way I use to be for the longest time. I don't know if I've grown out of it, seen what was wrong with it and over came it. Or maybe just maybe it works better when you care more about your job and the people you work with, than you have in the past.
I wanna make things work out, I wanna make my life work for me instead of me working for it.
I keep thinking of things to start saving my money for besides the obvious thing to avoid bank fee's and to help out around the house and to hopefully one day start to pay a good half of my bills again if not more. I have realized that part of me has out grown a couple things in my life. My car being one of them and I am forever in love the car my mom replaced her truck for. (Heck, I'm the one who kept buggin her about test driving it till we did and than she ended up getting it.) I also one day one to replace this dear old (well not that old) laptop of mine for a mac book since I hear such great things about them.
Though both as of recently have gotten repairs to make them last for a few more years. I know both though won't last forever. But anything about saving for either or making a plan to buy them I think comes when I have for sure kept this job (or another) for a good amount of time ( 6 months to a year) and know besides any unseen circumstances that I am being kept on as an employee.
I am determined to get back to the gym and start working out regularly again, its just about adapting to my new schedule and working out when I can instead of when I use to. Plus listening to my body and understanding what it more or not needs instead of wants most times. Because we all know the wants aren't always the best especially if its more about your want for a craving than need for a serving of fruits and veggies.
I want to make a deadline and say I will be at goal weight by my birthday or by the 4yr marker in this weightloss journey of mine. Though part of me things this is my undoing as it has been in the past, since I skip a day or mess up and than get freaked about meeting a goal and some how end up blowing the whole thing because I'm not on track at all and I'd rather fail and quit than really fail and not make it to goal, which actually if I think about it I am doing both anyways.
I want to eat healthy and be healthy and active as much as I can, I also want to take day(s) off and time for myself when and if I can(as needed). I think part of me is still working on living in that moment thing. There is saying that says if your always striving for that next thing or that next moment, when do you really enjoy the moment or life you are living. Plus when do you realize the time you really do have your missing out on. So focused on whats to come, than what you have right in front of you.
Life sometimes seems to be slower than you can imagine but I know as I've seen with this last month, it is short and it does go by fast and slow and everything else in between. It's how you react to it; rejecting it or embracing it that matters most when you look back on your life. Your day, and even looking towards you future because when you enjoy what you have just imagine how much more you will experince as time goes on.
Stress is what we do to oursleves, sure sometimes its unvoidable but those are the times I think your not stressed your just frustrated. Also sometimes its just a matter of letting go of how you wish things could be and let life unfold on its own as much as possible; because most times what will be, will be.
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