2011 a look back at it all.. and a peek to 2012

This year began pretty simply and like past years I had. I was just let go of a seasonal job I held at the local mall and was back to square one on the job front, but I had kept my work outs for my weight loss going all year prior expect the last two weeks. Though it wasn't hard when I was on call half the time and was only needed during thanksgiving/black Friday and days before and after Christmas. Though as the months went by I wasn't so motivated to find a replacement job and only applied here and there as it suited me.

As always I had baby sitting jobs here and there and got some funds and other things that way. I was mostly depend on my mom for all things needed and I have learnt and realized over and over again it was something I'm not very fond of because I like being on my own and finding my own way. I got to go to Disneyland here and there throughout the year when my pass gotten prior year wasn't blacked out and saw a friend I hadn't seen in a few years and that was most fun. 

Most of this year was spent working out and not being the best with my food intake so I was staying constant weight but not really changing body wise but maybe slowly toning but noting real noticeable. And hanging out when I should have been applying for jobs and getting my self in that line to get somewhere in life. I realized that I was just drifting by for most of the year and it didn't really hit me till about mid October how over it all I was and that I wanted some direction in my life but was scared to even go forward with that and not know what to do with it or perhaps ruin it.

Though in late October I buckled down and got some applications sent in before the Halloween holiday and than also some other as November started. I landed a gig at one place I went to a job fair for via a text from a friend the day before. In all this I also spent a week in both October and November on my own while my mom as out of town for work. It just strengthen the fact that I want to sure live on my own fully for a while before I settle down with anyone in my life. (Though I still feel I need to live with whom ever I do settle down with for at least a good period of time before I do as well.)

I started my new job in early November and have been working pretty steady hours since. My bad habits at my old job have pretty much disappear and I'm grateful for that. I do have my moments where I get frustrated and angry or annoyed but I vent it or let myself feel it and shake my head and move on. I think I've figured out holding it in and not just letting my emotions show about how I feel about a situation in some way is even worse than living in it constantly or saying that it sucks and turning it against my job and saying its all  the jobs fault and I hate it or what have you. I'm growing up, I'm maturing -shocker!

This year started slow but got crazy as it ended but in a good way, but also with that crazy I also got neglectful about my weight loss and well kinda my weight in general. I indulged a little (ok way ) too much and in the end result as I have learned in these past few days finally getting back on the scale since the first of the month have gained a good 13-15lbs back of what I have lost. But you know I'm not freaking out about it as much as I thought I would. I am kinda like GRRR but I also know what I need to do to fix it and get back on target and start getting better and just getting to goal. In that is half the battle, the half is actually following through with all of that.

2011 will be a life changing year even if this job doesn't last longer than perhaps April 2012 (when the exhibit I was hired for will be leaving ) Because I hope by than I will have experience and knowledge under my belt to take me anywhere I need to go and help me gain a job wherever it may be  or even keep this one I'm at that I am slowly learning to love. Even if I still have those days where I'd rather just chill at home than spend it at work on my feet.

2012 I'm hopeful for so many things, I am going to start measuring all my food intake by serving sizes (duh) and sizes and etc. to get true calories and try to stick to the healthy stuff. Whole grains, fruits veggies and lean proteins. I will indulge here and there but I have my mind on a plan that I have yet to totally finalize in planning out for all this. But I'm kicking out soda and rockstar energy drinks and fast food. The soda and fast food I let back into my life more so this year than years prior since starting my weight loss and I think it might be why I in fact have been seated with this extra weight.

I'm also gonna try and work back in my gym routine in some ways depending on my weeks schedule. I might invest in some cheap workout DVDs for days where I have time to work out but not quite the time to make it to and back to the gym for work.

Life is all about making it work for you, not letting life make you work for it. Worthwhile things are usually the ones that take the most time and effort.

I also wanna do some fun things too this coming year, though I'm not quite sure what those will be quite yet. 2012 watch out, if you are the end of the world as we know it. I'm making it worth my life.

All In A Month's Time....Though it seems much longer.

I have been working, yes working for about a month now. It feels like so much more time has gone by than that, it feels like I've had this job for so much longer. Though it also feels like it won't last either, but that is something I know I might face come April since it is a kinda of seasonal job. That is something I will be concerned with moment to moment here and there till than.

Though with all of this I have let the gym go by the way side, I haven't been since the 28th of October. I could have gone the first two weeks of November but I didnt because I got busy with baby sitting and working things out for this job thing and actually trying to turn in appplications to find a job and I wanted time to myself when I wasn't doing those things (or perhaps anything). But I kept forgetting how much a stress reliever a work out is, not to say I was stressed, but it helps me relax and refocus; and my body I know misses it. (Going today after I write this!)

Heck, I miss it. I dont know what it is about it but when you get endorpins from working out its "so" much better than eating that cupcake you feel you need to eat or that drink of beer or wine whatever you vice may be. Though gratefully I have not let my calorie counting or my journal with it go to way side so I have kept in check with it in. Maybe not with good food choices or what have you in what/how much I eat but I have kept an eye on it. Which may be my saving grace in it all, plus being up on my feet most days of the week. Oh, and the stairs I have to take a couple times a day during each shift between floors to and from breaks.

I admit I love this job, and I finally see myself letting go of my negtive aspect of dreading working and everything the way I use to be for the longest time. I don't know if I've grown out of it, seen what was wrong with it and over came it. Or maybe just maybe it works better when you care more about your job and the people you work with, than you have in the past.

I wanna make things work out, I wanna make my life work for me instead of me working for it.

I keep thinking of things to start saving my money for besides the obvious thing to avoid bank fee's and to help out around the house and to hopefully one day start to pay a good half of my bills again if not more. I have realized that part of me has out grown a couple things in my life. My car being one of them and I am forever in love the car my mom replaced her truck for. (Heck, I'm the one who kept buggin her about test driving it till we did and than she ended up getting it.) I also one day one to replace this dear old (well not that old) laptop of mine for a mac book since I hear such great things about them.

Though both as of recently have gotten repairs to make them last for a few more years. I know both though won't last forever. But anything about saving for either or making a plan to buy them I think comes when I have for sure kept this job (or another) for a good amount of time ( 6 months to a year) and know besides any unseen circumstances that I am being kept on as an employee.

I am determined to get back to the gym and start working out regularly again, its just about adapting to my new schedule and working out when I can instead of when I use to. Plus listening to my body and understanding what it more or not needs instead of wants most times. Because we all know the wants aren't always the best especially if its more about your want for a craving than need for a serving of fruits and veggies.

I want to make a deadline and say I will be at goal weight by my birthday or by the 4yr marker in this weightloss journey of mine. Though part of me things this is my undoing as it has been in the past, since I skip a day or mess up and than get freaked about meeting a goal and some how end up blowing the whole thing because I'm not on track at all and I'd rather fail and quit than really fail and not make it to goal, which actually if I think about it I am doing both anyways.

I want to eat healthy and be healthy and active as much as I can, I also want to take day(s) off and time for myself when and if I can(as needed). I think part of me is still working on living in that moment thing. There is saying that says if your always striving for that next thing or that next moment, when do you really enjoy the moment or life you are living. Plus when do you realize the time you really do have your missing out on. So focused on whats to come, than what you have right in front of you.

Life sometimes seems to be slower than you can imagine but I know as I've seen with this last month, it is short and it does go by fast and slow and everything else in between. It's how you react to it; rejecting it or embracing it that matters most when you look back on your life. Your day, and even looking towards you future because when you enjoy what you have just imagine how much more you will experince as time goes on. 

Stress is what we do to oursleves, sure sometimes its unvoidable but those are the times I think your not stressed your just frustrated. Also sometimes its just a matter of letting go of how you wish things could be and let life unfold on its own as much as possible; because most times what will be, will be.