Life is funny like that...

Crazy how much can happen and change your plans in life in just a few months time. Saving for my trip from the last post seems miles away from the life I am in this moment.

Side note: I think I need to write more updates.

I was not quite there in savings but I was getting there and in the same instant trying not to stress myself out of not having enough money in time as well as getting back into the healthy life style game.

One was better than the other, the latter not being the winner. Though life likes to remind you sometimes you have no control of the outcomes of your days or weeks and you have to let go and just be and swing with the balls falling at you so speak (I'm horrible at sports metaphors).

My dog ended up having a skin tag on his stomach get infected just by the way it rubbed when he laid on it and it started to swell, our vet recommended taking it off so it wouldn't catch on anything. I admit I wasn't the most proactive about taking care of it, being that he was going on 13 years old and I didn't think he's age would be good to go under for surgery. Well, when it started to swell more and puss and bleed and he started being able to lick at it and make it worse things changed.

We got him antibiotics and cream to treat the infection while waiting on the consultation for the vet that would do the surgery since our normal one was going out for maternity leave. Turns out my dog has a small heart murmur as well and the vet was not comfortable putting him under, though the cream and antibiotic's seemed to shrink the mass down to more than a third of its size it got to and they were able to do non invasive surgery to remove it and test it (skin tag just as we thought). With this all happening my brain was in constant stress mode about the money for paying for it and what it meant for my trip and not being able to deal with just staying in the moment and wanting answers to move along, and everything went out the window health wise as well as trip (money saving went to my dogs needs just to be sure).

After it all settled out and we were reaching 2 weeks out for his post op appt. I rescheduled at least my trip home to see family in Colorado (just enough funds plus a bit extra).  Around the same time I got a promotion at work, YAY! (Still causing stress at the moment with it not unfolding how I though, but I'm trying to be patience with it at the moment anyways.)

Settling back into the every day life I realized I needed to get back in the game plan of my health as well as just in general saving money, and just keeping the idea of my trip for next year or the year after with Boston attached this time if and when I had the money, no set date.

Then life happened once again two weeks later, I was leaving from work and yielding at a light that had just turned green for a SUV to tell me if it was going straight or turning on to the street making their own left as they came off the freeway across the intersection from me. When a white car who didn't see the red light blew through intersection and t-boned the SUV forcing it to flip into my car and land on the front part of my car on the driver side and then hit the ground next to me.

Gratefully everyone walked away from crash the couple in SUV were taken to the hospital with cuts and scrapes but seemed to be ok. Next day I went to the place my car was taken to sign paper work for them to process looking into seeing if it was fixable (which they already said probably not) and then to get a rental.

Within the week we founded out my car was indeed totaled (when SUV hit my car it snapped my suspension  and push my transmission against the asphalt of the road making it look like a dogs chew toy) and after getting through with insurance about payment (loads of hoops) I was told I needed to be out of my rental by end of the week. Mom helped me greatly and talked with the dealership I had gotten my first car at and explained our situation when we got an email with the numbers and we ended up being able to get me a new version of the car I already have in the color that I saw after I had mine and knew if I ever were to update the one I had (the one I wanted to pay off and keep a while) that would the one thing I would change.

Insurance for getting the money to pay off the remainder of my totaled car became more hoops to jump through as well as trying to even get ahold of the insurance of (we believe) the person who caused the accident (who called me and I handed it over to our insurance) to get them to admit to fault etc. was a struggle and still is. And in the end we had to change insurance because for some reason they wanna only allow me to have my own policy and not be with my mom (paying her part of the bill) and pay a 500 dollar down payment to open policy (which today they said wasn't true when my mom cancelled them after we went back the old insurance agency we had) that we didn't have by last sat.

And my healthy lifestyle or weight loss has been worse of all with all the stress eating, taking out food choices and excess amount of soda and snack buying and not bringing lunch at work when I should have. And then sleeping crazy hours or not sleeping good hours at all.

..... but I digress...

The old car has been paid off, the check I got that was over what was owed on it has been used to finish the down payment to my new car. I walked away from accident unharmed with just a day of stiff muscles from the jostle of my car being pushed by the SUV landing almost in my lap. My brain analyzed and still does time to time how that scene could have changed for the worse so easily and in a weird way I'm grateful for it, it helps me remember to stay more aware and (not always) prevents sometimes my road rage when I'm in a rush or starving and tired (cranky) and driving through traffic.

My body has also reminded me with all this stress and chaotic sleep how important my health really is for me, or should be.  And not for some hypothetical future or ideal life that could happen from it or within me living said life. ( I tell you, I have a wild imagination some nights before I fall asleep)

I've said it before, but it bears repeating..  I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.
The truth is I know what needs to be done to change it and I just don't do it. The truth is I know the difference in how I feel now and how I did even just 30lbs ago. Let alone the additional 50lbs I lost back when I started the first time hardcore in 2008 (8 years ago today).

There is a lot of things I need to differently, I need to celebrate small victories. I need to make small changes that will add up big when I can't make big changes all the time (like making it to the gym 5 plus days a week) and most of all, realize that as cliché as it sounds the truth is in the saying. This is a lifestyle change, not a diet. Its for life.

So for now, I'm gonna start working on my life in changing the pieces in it to reflect the moment how of how I want it to be and how I can change it, if I hit a speed bump or a time when life says no not yet. I need to see that as a sign to move on from situation for time being and focus on what I can change, or even do to vent the stress or frustration of not being able to go where I wanna go in that situation at the moment. Instead of temporary fixes that in the end lead to other problems down the line.

Remind myself, I'm not saying "no" or "never" (or rather life isn't) I'm saying, not yet or soon. Just be patience even if as my dad would joke, "I'm not a doctor I don't have any."