It is What it Is.....

I have so much going on in this noggin that what I wanna say (esp. for waiting so long to write) will come out in a jumbled mess, so bare with my scatterbrained ness for this post please... because it is what it is...

In the past three weeks I've worked 35-40 hours each week and while that may seem normal, my normal is 40 for every two. I'm not quite sure how people do it, but it happens. Though I don't think I could do it all the time and then also have a "real" life outside of work. I guess in a way I'm seeing lately how much time I have been wasting really. How I was always putting things (life) off till another day and then complaining about being tired and being behind in doing things. Like you don't wanna see the state of my bedroom/bathroom right now which I usually keep in pretty good condition lol.

I've also been having more days of I need to find something different for work wise when it gets crazy but it seems when I can remove myself from the situation or I'm at home for the evening or on the rare day off I've been getting during our busy time I go back to loving my job a little more and remembering that every place you go will have points of it that you may not like and wish could change but really, I love most of what I do day-to-day. Yes there are moments that true, but isn't that with everyone/thing?

(side note: I never mentioned but I did not get the promotion I had mention in my last post they said they'd love for me to apply again next time.. still on the fence if that will happen.)

The craziness of life aside I have really started to seeing myself physically and get turned off by it in a sense and realize when I have inside comments to myself when I see  people of a bigger size I'm not judging them, I'm judging the size because I can relate to it because for me the size I am my weight I'm at is not a thing I'm comfortable with at all, and I could see myself become bigger if I don't change something and I wanna change. I hate to compare myself to anyone because that leads down a dangerous road but I'd love to be active and fit like Jessica Biel always have in a way. More in her earlier years like right after 7th Heaven, like Texas Chainsaw Massacre or Blade Trinity days. 

I miss the energy I had the ability to be on my feet no matter the shoes and while they would ache I wouldn't feel like a old women walking around my home afterwards just to go use the restroom after laying on the couch to rest. Also I need to get over using the elevator at work every time to go up stairs just because I hate being winded like I am so easily going up them, that will only change with going up them and losing weight. I miss being able to do stairs without issue.

Once this crazy work time is over and my mind can adjust (last week April/first of may) I'm gonna get back to the gym and use my time more wisely and eat better. Grand thing about working the long hours by the time I get off lately its time to come home and have dinner and so I have no excuse to go out and get something on the way home so I have been saving money. Since when I get off in the afternoon hours I have a tendency to pick up lunch instead of just making it and eating it on the way to the gym or something.

In my thoughts about the future things have changed a bit mostly about kids and all that jazz but nothing to write about at this moment since I've never even been on a date let alone been some one's girlfriend.

I have to keep reminding myself in all this chaos that is life right now that days go by and things get better and that the only way I have a bad day is if I let things I cant control that go wrong ruin it. Things that can be dealt with and let go should be so I can enjoy the day not stressing till I'm red in the face with frustration and teary eyed with being upset over a situation that really doesn't need that much of my energy anyways.

Life is what you make it... and I'm gonna start making it grand.