My last real post that didn't include a bunch of pictures with tidbits of info was back in April or early May right before my birthday. A lot and also nothing has happened in the last couple months, and I've gone through a lot in my head for what to write or say or do in my life, but as of late this is what is going on. In my life and inside my head, well most of it.
Work is a touché subject at the moment but just to make it short and sweet to get out of the way so I can let it be and whatever I'll say what's going on. Due to being caught with gum one too many times and then getting a formal complaint from a guest I am now on probation for the next three months (90days) and my current role that I was promoted to just a little over a year ago (weird to say that it's been that long) I might lose and be demoted with pay lost as well if I don't shape up and improve. Though I can say that its the best outcome I could have hoped for after I found out about the complaint on Friday and didn't hear anything beside possible termination if its a pattern in my record of having a behavioral issue(s). I freaked most of the weekend that I'd lose my job... made me panic and etc. But moving on getting better and being the best employee I can be and try to get back to where I was working on getting higher up before all this happened soon enough it will happen.
All that above makes me think about how long I wanna be doing what I'm doing or any part of what I can do there and while I can see myself there for awhile I don't necessarily see myself there forever. But where else, I have no idea and I don't wanna worry about that till I'm back in my safely bubble off of probation so to speak.
Life around beyond work is really been nothing much but lack a dazzical if that is even a word or phrase. I've tended to just be lazy bum when I'm not working and watch movies or sleep most days if I'm off. A pattern I remember getting me in trouble a few years ago when I'd get antsy because I wasn't doing anything else and my frustrations would come out at work. While I know better this time I can still feel some issues coming up in the back of my mind when my day just doesn't go as planned at work.
I need to find a hobby, I know that sounds silly almost but I need to be more then my work I need a life that isn't just hanging out even if I am going out with friends I need to be using my brain to do more then just stare at a screen telling me a story every day or pinning things on Pinterest. Hoping for a better life one day or something more out of it in the future. I guess you can say I'm stuck but I did it to myself. One of my biggest fears is watching life pass me by or missing out on something because I was too busy to catch it when it came by. So much so that I put myself in this mode of don't do anything in fear of missing out so instead I don't do anything and in turn miss out on well, everything.
Apart me knows my weight is a main culprit that when I was lighter I was happier not just physically but emotionally and mentally I was just more there not buried in weight that I added to myself to have something to do in a moment of boredom or moment of that sounds good. I need to eat better I need to make better choices all around, at my weight now I am so not wanting to go to the gym. But I have a Wii I have dvds (I bought for when I didn't have time for the gym prior to work ironically) and I have my local weight room at my complex. I even have a swimming pool and with it being summer it probably wont be too cold to use.
I need to stop making excuses not to do anything or rather just not doing anything with no excuse but just doing it. I need to switch that up to just doing things. Slowly and little by little at first of course but I need to get back to life. I had some big idea about posting about body image and etc. but I don't think I'm quiet there yet to formulate all my ideas and etc. into a post that would make sense to myself more than anyone reading it.
I wanna write in here more to decompress and vent more then I do. I need to start drawing/painting more, I do it time to time and it helps me sleep, and helps me feel happier the next day.
I need to start happening to life instead of letting life happen to me.
