This whole start being good for a day or so than turn the month into all red x's (over BMR limits in calories) and than wonder why I feel out of touch with this whole weight loss thing. Than it starts to spread into my life as well, though I can't say for certain, that may be looking up (more on that later).
I've let old habits of late night eating and soda drinking regularly back into my life and other things where I eat junk a lot and haven't had the loads of veggies/fruit or at least more veggies/fruit that I'm use to. Than wonder why as of this moment if I shut my eyes and relaxed I'd probably fall asleep. I'm exhausted and I feel every bit of me is craving and crying out for how good "is" when I'm treating my body right with right foods and work outs.
While my work outs have stayed pretty constant I know they arent as good as they could be and also when your not feeding your body right your not gonna get the results you want either no matter how you work out. Plus its gonna start to as in my case burn the candle on both ends till you just want to do something fun to make you happy and that sometimes leads to more junk food or at least for me it has in the past few days.
I've gotten so obessed with what my body type is what I think my body will look like when I get to goal weight, that I forget to really experince the journey because in the end that's the only way I'll learn all I need to from this. I need to use the people I look to and wonder if I'll look good as them as what I intended to look at them for, inspiration motavtaion to work out and be healthy and find tips and advice from them if possible because they got there (hopefully) the healthy way and so can I.
I'm ready for my life and well I'm sure my life has always been there since it doesnt wait for you just to get back up on your feet when you have a bad moment or off day. This time its mine for the taking, I've always had a fear that if I got to into doing one thing (one project or life career even) I'd miss out on something else in my life that perhaps I wanted.
Which not only didn't help me with current said things in life since my focus wasn't true on it. I also was scattered brained and than forced to give up or at least scared and gave up before I even stared.Though in life I've realized the only way you miss out is if you dont try or your too scared to live it how you want to, and the best way to live and do things is one step and thing a time.
It like Rome won't happen in a day but I think as long as I make myself a project in my life day to day to be the best I can be, my life will follow. As cliche as it sounds I feel like part me is right where I belong, that everything happens in its time, not exactly when you want it to be: but when your both ready for each other(thing/moment or person).
My food has been my clutch to go to for so long because it was the one thing I knew would be there, but to be in this life to live it well I have to be there. I have to show up, and not just as I'm here "zombie stare" but as I'm here ready to go, ready to learn, ready to live. And that happens with healthy mind and body, and that starts with food and is maintained with exercise.
I think my true personality is a happy-go-lucky person if I let myself be. So I think it's time to be it.
Oh... and that could be "good news" in my life? I might have a job!
As always, thank you for reading.
