Like most issues that you deal with; be it boredom, be it depression, be it anger or just feeling like you dont quite match up or meet expections, you can't run from them. You can numb the feeling, escape it with a substance, drug or drink, or in my case food. I've done this for awhile, probably since about 4th grade it could be earlier than that but probably not earlier than third, well maybe. You see I've done it for so long and like most things its become second nature to me a habit that in the past when I wasn't thinking seemed normal. Only because to me it was, it had become a way of life. I felt bad I ate, I was bored I ate, I was happy... I ate.
It was something that I did for an activity a lot of the time as well as a coping mechanism. It seemed that with coping with food I lost the ability to cope in a normal way with emotions, or words. I get effended (some times even to this day) easily for the silliest things. I will at times cry when I'm angry or upset at something/ someone, and than I get pissed at my self and well than I would cry more. So in coping with that I turned to writing, and as you can read I may not be the best writer out there but its what worked for me. It helped me get my views and ideas acrossed when I felt like I couldn't speak about what I wanted to say.
That is in part why I made this blog so that I had a place to just lay it out on the line and share it in a way that maybe helps me because it helps others that I know understand what I'm going through and just can't explain it to (because I'm well, just chicken shit and scared of them judging me or ridculing me for it really). Also it might be helping you guys the readers if hey you relate to anything I have to say here. I Hope it does, because we aren't alone in this world, we all matter and we all have a voice a place to help one another and this world out.
Part of this is to write pieces like this, that talk about personally issues and what I'm going through or have gone through. Another is to write out weightloss progress that I've been doing since about August 2008 till present and still on going. Another is just to write things I'm thinking about; be it doing in my life/ planning for future/ ideas I've had or really just opinions on issues. You may or may not like everything I post and that's fine, your intitled to that just as I am intitled to write what I want on my blog.
... if your liking what you've read so far I hope you keep reading, I'm not sure how often I'll post but I'll try to do a weight loss post a least once this month if not by the first of the month.
As always thank you for reading.
D.
