I was gonna mention how its been 2 months since I was at the gym regularly, aka I've been 3 times in that time frame. Or how I mentioned I would write one of these posts sooner than a couple months from my last one (that was in March).
That all seems irrelevant right now.
I have my times when I have clarity of what I want to write about and where I want my life to go, and then it all falls apart.
I look back at where I was a few months ago and feel like a sham. Though in the same instant I know that I'm taking things way too serious and life is meant to have its ups and downs.
Starting to try and plan anything I get stuck in time frames of when it should happen in or how. Life seems to need time tables where there weren't before and I want to change everything or just run away. I feel like that 20 year old girl again who doesn't have a damn clue.
I'm wanting to get back to the gym and get back to working out on the regular. I know I need to when I'm stopping at the top, after climbing the stairs when I come in our employee entrance at work to catch my breath incase someone stops me to ask a question once I come into our offices. I take the elevator a lot of the times during work to avoid this issue in case of a guest coming up to me.
I hate it, makes me feel like I can't deal with a few stairs and inability to do things I have noticed drive me nuts, especially when I realize the only reason I can't is because of something I'm doing to myself.
My sciatica while not re-pinched yet has given its warning signs of being inactive for too long. My joints hurt from too much walking, standing, kneeling, sitting. Oh and my muscles when I do a repetitive action too long or too much forget about it the next day.
My hair has thinned out quite a bit from what it once was before back when I was semi healthier at the beginning of the year. I questioned it in person and see it in pictures from early of this year to now and its not just a change of color from a dye or two I've done or the one hair trim I've had a few months ago now.
Have I mentioned while working out regularly my periods were on time every month and the same length? Now, M.I.A or what's worse when they come they are heavy and a crampy mess.
I feel like you get the point, but I also feel like I need to write all this out for me as well as you reading, so when I have one of those unmotivated days or weeks, or whatever I can read through this old blog as I tend to do when I reflect and remind myself why I need to do these things.
Why I need to get more then 5 hours a of sleep (or sometimes less) a night; key reason I picked a night where I don't go in till 1pm for work tomorrow to sit up and write, since its when I do my best thinking.
Why, fruits and veggies need to become more then just an occasionally snack food especially over chips and cookies and misc. junk that has invaded my life that should be sometimes food as cookie monster on sesame street would say.
Why I need to seriously FOR REAL THIS TIME; cut soda out of my diet completely and drink more water.
Reasons for the need to clean and purge my life from unnecessary things: clothes that don't fit anymore (size or my liking of them), items that I wasn't sure I wanted to throw away the last time I went through everything. A dusting of shelves and cobwebs that have invaded my life & trash that has accumulated of old scripts and paper from work or junk mail that has piled up.
Words, I need to write out more often so they don't get catch up in my head and pull me away from the present moment so much that I forget how to just be still.
A life that needs to be just simply lived more then planned out for a future that may never happen. (Though I do want to share my ideas of some times I want in life.)
