It's been almost a full three months into 2013 and while I don't have a lot to show for it in regards to my goals, besides my ever growing (yet slowly as of late) hair I haven't quite given up on it all quite yet. While my hair is on topic I have decided that come may (if I get my birthday off, I requested it) or somewhere before it or right after that I have the day off on I'm gonna go get my hair trimmed up. Depending on how much it grows by than ( a little over a month to go) I'll either have it evened out back to front and adding a side bang or just bringing up the back a little bit to blend in with the front better taking little off as possible and adding that bang still, I'm so over the past my chin bangs situation I got going on here. I'm also planning to start dyeing it than again as well. If you go back to I believe its my January post you'll see the picture of the boxes of dyes one with the as I called it "Kate beckinsale " look a like model and the curly haired model. Well after its been shaped/trimmed up I'm gonna do the curl haired color. Than in four months I'll do the other, after my next trim.. and so on and so further going back and forth every four months at least till I get it back to the length I was at or to the goal length which is when the ends are just hitting right below my rib cage.
All other goals I have I need to get started on ASP if I want any of them to work out, esp. with reading those books which I have put off for way too long.
On a longer note than that chunk of paragraph that I wrote on my hair comes my weight loss/ weight gain ...etc. My Weight.
I've got back and forth on this whole thing for weeks and well most of last year and the start of this year as well. I start to be good, (aka January) and than go back to old habits again (aka February) and I was hemming and hawing about the whole thing for the big part of March as of yet. Till a few things happened. As the weather has been getting warmer I've gone to put on things that fit last summer knowing they probably wouldn't but being extra shocked by the amount that they really don't and that in turn making me question what really all did fit in my closet. I was left with a good third of my shirts I could still wear comfortable and a probably good 8th at most of my pants that would even fit well and most of these wears stretchy gym or pj like bottoms. Another key aspect in this change around was my need to buy a bigger pair of work pants for work but not wanting to have to go to a specialty store to do so because none of the normal stores I go to can I find the size I need in the fit I want any more, When I knew if I just got back to being healthy in a minimal amount of time I'd be able to start fitting in my current pants more comfortable and than be able to go back down to the smaller ones that have been sitting in my closet since I really started gaining weight which is probably a year ago or so now.
Another hitter, seeing the scale get closer to 350 when I was originally my highest weight at 312.4, and realizing to be at my goal I'd have to lose the amount of weight I wanted to weight at goal to be at goal. If I let myself get up to 350 that is. Than one of the real motivators if all this wasn't enough my lab coat I wear for the field trips I do at my work I cant tie my shoe in it, I have a hard enough time tying my shoe without it since my pants are tight but the coat cuts at my arms the wrong way and makes it impossible.
Recently I have had two nails in the coffins if you wanna call them that to make me determined to lose the weight again and this time FOR GOOD! The first one was when a Facebook friend posted a picture from the party I was just at, a candid shot you wouldn't think anything of and while the shot wasn't bad it was a real reality check of : "IS THAT REALLY ME?" and "AM I REALLY THAT HUGE?" Not in a picking on myself way but a concern of holy moly when did this happen shocker. I started to compare it to same time frames in past years and saw what I had done literally in front of my eyes. And I was just so done, and I was on the verge of changing things and than that final kicker came in. I got sick this last week, nothing really big just a pretty bad head cold that thankfully came on a three day weekend I got from work. I didn't really wanna eat much because I couldn't taste anything and I could only breath out of my right nostril till probably yesterday from Friday. It was like I had cotton up my left nostril and in my sinuses and nothing not even nasal spray would go in there to help it, and meds weren't doing much. I just ate what I needed when I was hungry and rested.
*Above- in order: March 2012/Oct 2012/March 2013-aka the candid*
*above- March 2013 (candid from above) and two years prior March 2011*
When I did have moments, say after a steamy warm shower that opened my sinuses for a moment or when the meds did relieve the pressure momentarily (nothing lasted longer than an hour tops) I was kind of excited with how good I felt finally again. You know how you dream about feeling better when your sick a feeling you don't really think about in your day to day life because its the norm till your sick and all you wanna do is lay down? Yeah I felt that and I when I had those moments of being better (still working on getting it all over with though, I think it will be gone by this weekend) I realized something, in my want to do nothing but get rid of this bug and rest I wasn't stuffing myself with food I wasn't eating all the junk, I haven't drank soda in almost a week if you can believe that, I think that's the longest I've gone in a very long, long time. I wanna get back to not drinking it at all. But I just felt so much more alive, heck as I do right now as well (minus that I'm typing this with my eyes closed because I'm sleepy but I wanna finally post something) and than as I've gotten better the good foods just sound better, I stuck a piece of minty/brownie gum (extra dessert flavors I think) in my mouth this morning and spit it out so fast for how gross it was in sweetness and that says a lot. And soda just hasn't appealed to me as neither have the old foods I got I mean I had cookies and cupcake the other day almost on an impulse since I wanted a cookie and they didn't have the one I wanted so I got mini cookies and a small cupcake to substitute when I should have just got nothing instead it sat in my stomach like a rock the rest of the night, and the cheesecake I had after dinner tonight just after a couple bites it wasn't as good as remember and I don't think ill have it again.
I hope this continues and I'm gonna work on it to try and get it to, I wanna keep this feeling alive in me I missed feeling this way and I'm tired of numbing myself out with food and saying I'm just to tired for life when that's not true at all. Once this cold finally kicks out of my system I'm gonna get better at the gym, I'm gonna going to the gym on days off (esp. next two weeks of work that are our busy time so I can't get too crazy) and than work up to more around my schedule where possible. I wanna get most of this weight off by the end of this year. I wanna become more of who I wanna be and that only happens with working for myself and my body and world and not against it.
I know this is a lot of talk but this time I think I'm gonna be better on my follow through, I have very high hopes right now and the pictures speak so much volume its hard to ignore them. I also hope you enjoy all the inspiration pictures I've added too.
Time to get back to this time line above - weight loss!
