Though 95% of the time probably we dress for others to impress to give off this image of who we are, intently or not. We are a culture obsessed with this, if its not to impress or get recognition its to at least give off a image or look that tells the person looking at you perhaps if not who you are a part of you, a vibe.
When half the time the truth of a person is never related to the clothes that they wear, sure a girlie girl is gonna be the one wearing the skirt and heels and be dressed to the quote/unquote nines more than the tom-boy girl who could care less about those things. That is their right and who are we to judge them whether they do it or not. I've felt for a long time that I don't care how you dress or act as long as your not hurting someone else or even yourself doing so because that isn't right. Other than that wave your crazy colored whatever flag you choose and be you.
We are obsessed with body image, with what is the right size or wrong size or whether I look as pretty as someone who has this body while I have that one. Or will I look like her, or her when I finally loose the weight. Will I be happy is the end question that I think a lot of us face, and I don't think that comes with a new dress or a pair of shoes or that new hair color that came straight out of the box on to your head.
Not to say they wont make you feel more you, and not to say you shouldn't go for it if that's what you think is truly you and makes you feel content in your own self. I'm more than happy with trying every hair color in the rainbow to fine the one that is "YOU" and I have. Well maybe not the actual colors of the rainbow, but at least the hair colors of the rainbow if that makes sense.
I'm just trying to become less obsessed with this whole type A body type for a girl to be considered beautiful, I'm not taking pretty and I'm not talking cute. I've been told I'm both on occasions before but few and far between do I ever hear the words you look beautiful and some how that saddens me more than it should. Some how sadly makes me feel like I'm less than those who get that told to them more often than not, though some how I also think it would lose its punch if told a lot as well.
But beautiful is something a girl should hear about her, and I have this small part of me in my mind saying, don't write this because if who ever reads this ever tells you you're beautiful or you look beautiful tonight how can you know they aren't saying for your benefit than not. Though for some reason I think the people I know and associate with reading this wouldn't do that, would only say it if it were true.
In all this I think this whole back and forth on the whole body image someone elses and mine, I realize we all have our own issues and while we think they are so great they are probably so minuscule in compared to what we really are if someone else where looking at us. We are our worst critics after all right?
I wanna say this to myself in regard to all this...
Dear Self-
Lately things have been lacking in just feeling of being complete or having any sort of life other than the daily work and a few errands here and there. Right now I'm in the position of being sick and tired of being sick and tired all the time. Cliche to say but the truth none the less.
Right now I eat just because it sounds good and I can pick it up, it was a lot harder to eat the junk when you didn't have the money to spend on it like you do and we have gotten carried away. It's really not worth it to put the money down on something like that, which will not give your body any benefit but a extra layer to keep warm in the winter but also a higher risk for any heart disease, diabetes, cancer that your family genes already naturally places you in risk for.
Life is not as easy as it was physically and even mentally 50-60lbs ago when we went to the gym and ate a good diet, at least as much as possible. Our body feels out of sorts, tired and sore all the time. One days work which would make us tired for the evening and in turn foe a good night sleep now leaves us sore and less energetic for the next day if working more than one day in a row which happens as we know, each day worse than the next till a good day or so off it seems is the cure.
Looking at the pregnant co-workers at work and realizing you look like them when your not even pregnant, is not a good thing. Feeling like you just need a mini vacation after three days of work that use to just leave you a little worn out means that something isn't right.
Things use to be a lot easier to deal with, our temper use to not fray so easily as well and didn't get sick as often either and we can't blame working with kids on it for much longer. Bodies build up immunity to a lot of things, if given the chance.
Stress was easily dealt with, with a round at the gym or run on the treadmill. Sure it takes effort and energy to do these things but in turn effort and energy come back ten fold. Also our skin was much clearer than and we slept better and felt actually rested afterwords.
Like I said we are sick and tired of being sick and tired and how its come to pass when remembering all the ways we use to feel back before we re-gained the weight we lost. Getting stuck on the whole self image and wondering why we didn't look anything like the people we thought we should.
Or even trying to compare ourselves to anyone else, there is only failure there. It's nice to look at someone for encouragement but to make them the person you strive to be will never work because they are taken its all about being yourself. That's who your born to be and if you don't feel like your there yet in being you the best possible you and wanna tweak a few thing and be healthy and happy than remember to do the things that need to be done. Because in the end as we remember from before you wont regret it.
-Danielle.
