Before I'm Twenty- Five...

The title makes it sound like some silly cute little things I wanna do before I turn twenty-five. In a way it is and in a way its more of guideline for how I want this next year in my life to go. I know I can't control all of it but I can help shape and mold it with a few nudges and turns here and there when time and space allow me to.

My biggest want for this year, is to finally lose all the excess weight I've been carrying around and adding to during my time on this earth so far. I've gone in to detail about why and how I think I gained it and how I need to fix it. Though in the end I can talk till the cows come home and have kids and their cow's come home. Or something like that.

I've always favored the Nike logo of "Just do it." when it comes to weightloss because it doesn't leave any room for error. It's just is. Either do something about it or don't. I have been doing this half assed off and on since I started trying to lose weight in August 2008 and while I did end up losing 50lbs in a little over two years I have also in this last year and a half gained a good 30lbs of that back. I never felt the extra weight like I do now, when I felt the difference of when I lost it compared to how I feel day to day since I gained some of it back.

Though in the end choosing what I want with this comes with choosing how I want to feel. When I work out and eat right, I feel clear-headed more upbeat, and happy and go about my days pretty well. The less I do the more processed I eat the less I feel like doing anything. The more my body doesnt want to move in turn the more I ache and the sadder, and more depressed I get.

I wanna be healthy, not just to help me live a long and happy life but to do so in a way that's worth living it. More than just existing, because that doesn't make me happy.

I'm not at all sure where this life will take me or what I want from it at this moment, but why not fix the things I'm not happy or comfortable with that I can change and see were that leads me.

I could post a bunch of models and actresses and tell you how I want to look as lean or toned as them and believe me I have my inpsirations I look for and read up on. Though in the end I need not to compare myself mind or body to anyone else. This isn't for them, or even you reading this. This is for me, because honestly this mind and body don't compute together when I see them mashed up in the mirror in front of me or when I move about in my daily life. Time to go about fixing that, with healthy eating and doing what the body is suppose to do my nature- MOVE!

Another thing in this year of my life I want to work on is growing my hair back out. I wanna get it to grow out healthy and beautiful and yes dye it but sticking to the one box I've loved and done before more than once, and more than once since chopping it off wished I just dyed it that color before doing any else especially  going bleach blonde for that two day period I did. I'll end up probably buying some cheapy wigs and extenions for fun and to help deal with my bored moments of wanting to do a different color or a different cut as it grows out or what have you. Till it finally at least gets back to the length it was before I went this short, until I can get it to my ulimate goal lenght. I will never regret cutting it, because I'll always wonder how it would be and in a way I like it and it's fun. Maybe later in my life I'll come back to visit it but for the next couple years sticking to getting it to grow healthy and long.

Now it won't be this long by the time I'm 25, but I'm hoping it will look this healthy at least by than. The ulimate goal is this where it stops either right under my chest or at the end of my rib cage. Than every other summer or something cut it up just long enough for a pony tail and donate it to locks of love. (Well at least once in my life time I will anyways.)
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Those are the major things I wanna focus on this year, though I wanna keep my job and start saving money. Enough to have the minimum in my account to avoid fee's in case of a lack of the direct deposit amount coming through. Though I am making enough hours right now, you never know. I've actually believe it or not been at my job six months and four days as of today lol. I wanna make it a year and than slowly start to save for perhaps schooling as well. I might wait on my 25th birthday to decide on all of that.

Gotta have my health to have my future, no more jumping the gun in this life of mine. No more worrying over nothing. No more what if's, no more just wishing on things that need action to be done.

I guess more than anything by the time I turn 25 I wanna learn what really makes me happy and what I really want out of life and in turn I need to stop hiding behind people, food, emotions. Weight: loss or gain, andd oh no the what if's!  Life is meant to be lived and I'm tired of just saying that as inpsirational quote or side comment in here or to others. Time to take my own advice and my own beliefs to heart. Pratice what you preach right? Lead by example, and all that other stuff they say.